One obvious thing to report on is the fact that Blast Theory’s Kickstarter campaign finished on Wednesday evening, 117% funded. 539 people backed the project and we raised £17,559 in total. It’s a great relief, of course, that the campaign was successful. ‘Failure is not an option’ is something you might hear someone proclaim hubristically on the Apprentice (before, inevitably, crashing and burning), but in this instance it was really true: I can’t quite imagine the disappointment and anti-climax if we hadn’t made our target. I’m really pleased for them that the campaign was such a success, they really deserve it.
Now that we’ve drained the last of our celebratory prosecco, I’m very aware that the end is in sight for my time at Blast Theory. A week today will be my last day in Portslade. I’ll really miss them! It’s hard not to feel a little melancholic at the moment, with the weather properly turned and the heating finally on, and with the end of my career break now undeniably close.
Maybe I am ready to feel settled somewhere again, after flitting between different things over the past few months. I always knew there was something in me that embraces routine and familiarity, and my reluctance to leave Blast Theory underlines that. At the same time, I must at all cost avoid falling into the same trap that I fell into before, i.e. sticking around somewhere because it’s all you know and you can’t think of anything else to do. I owe that much to myself after this year.
There is no denying the fact that I hate job hunting, though – I always have done, and that was probably a contributing factor in staying in my old job for so long. I hate the whole process – spending hours looking for the right vacancy, working out how to sell yourself, sweating over the application, the disappointment of not hearing back, the stress of job interviews. For me, the whole thing is laced with self-doubt and existential agony. If there was a way to avoid it, I definitely would. But sadly, there isn’t so I will just have to grit my teeth and throw myself into it. I’ve decided not to look for any more unpaid positions after Blast Theory and just make finding a job my full-time occupation.
And I have to try and force myself to see the positives, and to build on the confidence I have gained this year and translate that into a killer application, as well as a more phlegmatic attitude if said killer application subsequently ends up in the reject pile. I’m sometimes a little guilty of feeling disheartened even before I start, which is obviously a recipe for disaster. Maybe I need to take some lessons from the Apprentice, and practice looking in the mirror with my best arrogant smirk and declaring that failure is not an option.